PACING PLACES, FACING PHASES — A True Instance

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“Well, don’t you think it’s quite late?” She said.

“How does it matter? We’ve got nothing to worry about.” I said.

“What?” She said.

“Nothing.” I said, “You do remember that I’m leaving tomorrow. Right?”

“Yes I do. Now stop talking like you’re going to die or never going to see me again.” She paused, “We will meet… we will. Just a couple of days and I’ll be there too and then we’ll again hang-out together. We’ll have fun, so relax.” We stopped walking.

I nodded. “Hmmm…”

“Okay, here’s something for you.” She said excitedly as she landed a chocolate bar in my jacket’s pocket. “Now, where’s my farewell gift?” Watching me smile, she continued “Ah! See who am I talking to. I knew you’d forget.”

“Ahem ahem! I guess you haven’t yet understood me.” I tried to add some humor and it worked, she smiled. ‘Oh the moment I’ve been waiting for is here’ I thought; I pulled her right hand and slid a bracelet made with all-connected colorful hearts. I emptied my other pocket as I gave in her hands the two of my favorite poems which I wrote for her. “Keep it… keep it and miss me.” My eyes were nearly full and my heart was flooded. My brain stopped working and my mouth was throwing out shivery  words.

She could see the pain in my eyes, she could sense the shiver in my words. She wanted but couldn’t do anything for she had her own limits. She tried to take my name and console me but her words fell down before she could even collect them. Sound of less than half of my name reached my ears as a tear drop got my attention, travelling down her soft cheeks like a fresh dew drop on grass, rolling down and down. My hands reached to catch it but they missed. It felt like I’d lost a battle, a battle of love and life. It was a moment of silence. Silence which seemed to never end.

Anyhow I managed to look back into her eyes, they were cold. I took her hand and said, “Look at me…” She rose. “…Promise me that everything’s going to be alright. Promise me that everything will remain as it is. Promise me… for I promise you.” Finally the moment of silence broke.

“I can’t promise you that but I promise you we’ll be together no matter what happens ,no matter it is right or wrong.” She paused, touched the bracelet with love and continued, “And this… this I’ll keep with me forever. You can count on me.”

I smiled and not knowing what to say then I said, “Thanks, allow me to walk you home.” I still wonder where did that come from.

We’re walking again. And this time the air was clean, cold and pure. The best thing about winters is that it makes you feel the romance in the air. Winter season is the home of love.

We walked and walked… and we’re there. Her home. We stood in the lawn outside the building and looked at each other for we knew we’d meet again after a long time. I wanted to carry the innocence in her eyes, the craziness in her talks and her moments with me; I gazed into her as hard as I could and the only words I could read were ‘I’m sorry’. I don’t know why but I had this strange feeling that my world’s going to fall apart and break down into pieces. We both knew this but we’re helpless.

This time she spoke first, “You remember you once said you never got hugged with love?”

“Yep, I did.” I said with a blank face.

“Well, this can be the moment” emphasizing on ‘the’ she unfolded and spread her arms, giving me an invitation to fall into her world.

I didn’t know how to react because I had a little problem with understanding the emotions. I looked at the widespread world of relief, joy and love; took a step ahead, then two, stopped and said “Oh! I’ll wait for it ‘til we meet again. Save it for me. I’ll need it that day.”

The expression on her face was unexplainable. Neither me nor the Shakespeare could explain that.  She thanked me and we shook hand. I knew this was the last time I was seeing the love for me in her eyes. I knew it. I was scared.

She left for the home, I left for nothing. I walked alone on my way to home. Yes, I was there… counting the steps, the beats, the blacks and the blues. I could feel her, I could sense her, I could see her but I could do nothing for I knew one thing – she never said she loved me.

I wish I had hugged her that day. Who knows what our present could have been! And talking of the present… there are some things untold… Nothing went as she had promised, I never saw that bracelet again, I never heard of those poems ever, I never received a long distance call, I cried when alone, I cried in the dark, I broke down when I met her again, and she said I don’t have the balance of emotions.

I still can’t recollect myself from the places she left me. It hurts and it’s scary. I’m scared of falling in love again because love’s a trap! Having said that, I’m not saying that I’m against love… rather love’s beautiful, it’s the best thing ever could happen to anyone. Love doesn’t hurt you, the bait does.

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NAZRO VA DIL KE DARMIYAAN…

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Nazron va dil ke darmiyaan
Tu hi toh hota hai yahaan..
Pak lavzo me uljhi
Khamosh ho jaye zubaan..
Tu hakeeqat
Tu hi manzil
Tu hi raasta
Eh mere dil..
Nazro va dil ke darmiyaan
Tu hi toh hota hai yahaan..
Pak lavzo me uljhi
Khamosh ho jaye zubaan..

Khudai kya maine
Khuda badal diya
Kadmo me tere
Sar ko jhuka ka..
Ab is jahaan me
rakha hi kya hai
Sab kuchh hi paa liya
Maine teri panah me..
Lavzo me hogi na bayaan
Ishq ki ye daasta..
Karte mohabbat tumse
Beshaq beintehaan..

Nazro va dil ke darmiyaan
Tu hi toh hota hai yahaan..