10 Things I Learned in 4 Years at KLU

Disclaimer: This article is in no way intended to hurt anyone’s sentiments or defaming the said university. In case a reader gets offended by the content of this article he/she needs to take a laughter therapy and read books on how to grow up. Thank you for reading.

 

1. Your looks matter more than your outlook

The moment you step in the campus you realize that what you’re wearing is more important than what you are. Simple plain clothes, not too casual, and ID Card. Oh! ID Card is like your license to enter the campus and sit in a class. Even the PM of India can’t enter the campus without an ID card otherwise he’ll have to pay a fine and then get permission from Dr. Khan. And trust me that’s no fun. But since the university has an administrative management so I agree that this is a good practice and for this reason I give this one to them.

 

2. If you have a high ego and know how to read a ppt you can become a lecturer

I think this is how the interview process goes for hiring lecturers

Interviewer: Do you know how to google?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Do you know how to copy from internet?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Do you know how to paste it in a PPT?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Do you know how to read from PPT?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Are you sure you won’t teach students anything other than what you write in the PPT?

Lecturer: Yes, sir, ofcourse.

Interviewer: Are you sure you’ll show them arrogance if they ask you anything out of the ppt?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Does your ego get easily hurt?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: You’re hired!

 

I have nothing more to say.

 

3. Investment on infrastructure is more important than on education

The content and its delivery is so poor that anyone would agree that whatever the technology is being used to develop the infrastructure of the campus cannot be developed by the engineers who are passing from the university. Necessary engineering tools and software are not being taught to the students at the level at which industries are using them. For example, MATLAB is the best tool in hands of any engineer because of its wide applicability. The level of MATLAB taught to students in first year is lower than the Onramp Course provided for free on Mathworks’ official website.

 

4. There exists a language called Tenglish

A language whose grammar has no rules or boundations. And it’s only understood by people of great mettle. WARNING: Any attempt to learn or understand this language may give you horrible vocabulary. As a normal English language speaker you may get traumatized by the amount of a’s and u’s used at the end of each word here. Take a simple English sentence “I have a pink sheep” which is impossible and you can tell that because your brain actually processed it and your cognitive abilities told you that sheep are not pink. Now take the same sentence in Tenglish, “Ayi havv-a pinku sheepu” which may give a non-Tenglish speaker brain hemorrhage. If anyone ever asks you “Whuch pluce?” then you should know that they mean “Which place are you from?” and when you hear them asking for “kiss” don’t get alarmed, just handover them your “keys”. More examples are listed below.

What ra? – What do you want dear?

Are you dinner? – Have you had your dinner?

Making rice aa? – Are you cooking rice?

I am anxiety! – I am excited!

I switch offed it – I switched it off

I don’t drink cigarette – I don’t smoke

 

5. Akukuralu is the life of every dish

You can’t have a dish without an army of akukuralu (curry leaves) protecting it. You may understand this just from the fact that by the time my Telugu friends finish eating I am still fighting with the curry leaves. By the time I’m done removing all the curry leaves from my food I would have three different people coming and sitting next to me, finishing their meals. By the time I start eating the food there’s already fungus in it. I don’t understand why there’s an entire plant of curry leaves in my food!!! Telugu people like only three things: Movies, Politics and Curry leaves. Which brings me to my next point.

 

6. The results of movies are more important than exam results

Here we have an age band which is more interested in knowing “Why did Katappa kill Baahubali?” than why their grades are so low? I don’t believe that grades are everything but they surely are something. How much your favorite actor’s movie earned is none of your business. You’re not getting anything from it. The movie stars don’t even care about you! They don’t know you! Then how and why are you giving them more importance than your own life?

 

7. Nobody cares for civil engineers

All the KLU students will agree with me on this. Undoubtedly, nobody cares about the civil engineering department. They don’t even have their own department building! University has given them an entire floor in the Mechanical Department building, that‘s it! And where are the jobs for Civil Engineers? The way the university’s layout is done I don’t think it actually has any interest in good civil engineering at all.

 

8. Royal Enfield is for everyone

Royal Enfield is not royal anymore. Gone are those days when I’d see a Royal Enfield once in a while and dream of having that motorcycle because it made the rider look cool and hot both at the same time. Royal Enfield is something I desired of having. But no more. Thanks to every third person here who has a Royal Enfield. I don’t want to write more on this because my heart bleeds.

 

9. In every class there are at least 23 people named Sai

Jesus! What’s the deal with people named Sai? Why are they so many Sais? It’s like an entire generation of parents ran out of first names. And Sai is so flexible you can use it anywhere in your name, for example: Sai Yaswanth or Yaswanth Sai. And this miraculous name is not just for boys, it’s a unisex name! It’s so cool that I have named my goldfish Sai Jalpari. Or should I keep it Jalpari Sai? Do tell me.

 

10. Talking to opposite gender is equal to having illegitimate babies with them

The university is co-ed but the FED building has separate stairs for girls and boys. This is horribly funny. You cannot walk or talk with a person of opposite gender without getting ogled by bystanders. If you are a girl then get ready to get your character certificate issued by the boys whom you don’t talk to. If you’re a guy then get ready to spend money on your friends every time they catch you talking to a girl. And one thing for both boys and girls, get good at playing hide and seek with the discipline committee.

 

I hope the university becomes better at teaching and get a little modernized, bend some rules, and break some traditional thinking patterns. That’s the way to grow. I’m sure that is not all that is there to be learned from 4 years at KLU. Do share your experience. Thanks for reading.

 

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

So I Let It All Out

I don’t like emotional drama because I’m an emotional person and I hate to display them to people I work with. The world around me sees me as a jerk who doesn’t give a fuck about what others feel when I throw my words at them and that is partially true. But what you’re about to read is something which I’ve been thinking about making public for a while now. I was trying to supress this emotional high but everyday people remind me of it and today I want to let it all out. This year’s Samyak made me feel alive and I hope this feeling is everlasting. Every day, since the first day of Samyak, I come across many people and randomly one person approaches me and says things like “You sing very well”, “You’re blessed”, “Your voice is like Arijit Singh”, “I’m your big fan”, and more. It may sound self-boasting but, hey who gives a fuck, people have actually approached me for my autograph. Sounds funny but that’s the truth. I mean you don’t just have a reputation in your university for nothing, eh. When even your faculty members give you a special treatment (but no marks) you know you have done something different. Good different. Something that makes them all feel proud of you. I’m overwhelmed and I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who cheered for me, who came to me and said all those sweet words, who made me realise that I am something other than a couch potato.

The main people because of whom all this could be possible are three most lovely people I’ve met in this university: Manojna, Madhur and Venkat Sai. And trust me when I say they’re lovely that means they are. I don’t just go around calling people lovely. That’d be stupid. Well, they’ve known me for almost three years now and they know I’m not the jerk that everyone thinks I am. They’ve seen me transform from what I was to what I am and I hope they don’t mind me being me. It’s only because of these three people today I’m writing this, because I gave up on Swara Club in the first year, then in the second year and then in the third year and I may quit the club next year. I’m in the club only because of these three people. Now there will be no Shannu and no Manojna to call me at odd times and say “please come, we need you.” And I’m going to miss them for that but nobody will miss me if I leave the club because no one has the patience to handle me except them. Okay! Let’s just accept that our club is an army of stupid amateur singers who are oblivious of this fact and these three would agree with me without having a second thought. Still, they kept on recruiting and recruiting because they had a dream.

They always saw the club as a group of people, passionate about music, coming together and forming bonds. They gave chance to almost every idiot who came to them, including me. All they wanted was to form a group of people who were happy to be in the club and got each other’s back. Well, I’m glad to say they have succeeded the part where they bring people together because when I see the club today — it’s united, or at least we care enough to show that we are. I’d be their only failure because it’s me –I’m a loner. A group of happy people scares me. That’s that. And, frankly, it’s too sad that I and Afreen will be the only two persons to know actually how much they have done for the club and for us. Especially Manojna, I’m sure she’s aware of what people talk about behind her back, but she always stood by our side. I’d say that I love her but I’m not allowed to say that. So just a huge thanks. THANKS. Oh! I remember I sent her a text after Samyak last year. I never got to know if she did receive it. Anyway. I’d like to appreciate the efforts of Venkat Sai for all his blood, sweat, money and time he spent on and for the club, not to mention the success of Sangeeth and Raaga. Congrats! And thanks for treating me as a brother and laughing on all my jokes. Not many people do that nowadays. Apparently, arrogance has become a trend. And Shannu anna, he’s an angry young man, I didn’t like him at first but later I learnt that he’s one of the sweetest person one could come across, doesn’t worry about anything, he lets other do their business. Thanks for keeping up with my bullshit. I hope they all do well in their lives, and maybe call me sometimes just to ask me how I am doing because I’m going to miss them.

God! Where did I start writing this! Well, take it as my farewell speech for this awesome trio because I won’t be present at the farewell party if there will be any because sure as hell I’m not the person you want to be around when you’re all sentimental and crying. I won’t let you enjoy the moment. I’ll be like, “C’mon! Just get it over with.” And then I’ll sob alone when no one is around.

Sometimes I’m very sorry

I am a human being
And I make mistakes.
But then I apologize,
You know the courage it takes?

Sometimes I’m very sorry,
“Forgive me for God’s sake!”
Other times I admit it ‘coz
Our memories are at stake.

I can be a pain in ass.
Sometimes even head ache.
Although we’re not ductile enough
I’ll never let “us” break.
-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Toote dil ke tukde ab toh…

टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं
उड़ती धुल के संग आँखों में
आंसू बनने लगे हैं…
खुद भी रूठा है मुझसे
दोनों जहां रुसने लगे हैं
टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं…

खाली करूँ अब दिल को
या अश्कों को थाम लूँ
ज़िन्दगी ही बेवफ़ा मेरी
तुझको तो क्या इलज़ाम दूँ…
मेरे दर्द के पन्ने नये
खुद ही पलटने लगे हैं
टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं…

जाम बना हर शाम मैं एक
ये दर्द यूँ पि रहा हुँ
तुझे खबर भी न मेरी
कैसे मैं जी रहा हुँ…
तेरी वजह से मुझपे
अब लोग हसने लगे हैं
टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं…

– Sudhanshu Chouhan

To the one who can’t love me…

I have been in love before but never felt like this.. this is new love.. Dedicated to her, the one who doesn’t hate me but can’t love me..

I first got my heart broken

when I was twelve,

wasn’t quite the age

in something stupid to delve.

First time it broke into two

second time in a few

third time in millions

and fourth time in billions.

I couldn’t care less

about picking the pieces.

You know, it hurts.

But I’ve got addicted to

A certain kind of sadness

A certain kind of pain

And

my senses ready to burst.

I wish

I choke on my love for you

and die

without blinking an eye.

I know you wouldn’t mind

‘coz you’re the devil in disguise.

I want you to live my life

the way I live it for you.

I want you to see you

through my eyes.

I want you to be me for a day

and see how painful it is to love you.

You’ll see my words are not lies.

– Sudhanshu Chouhan

That’s all for tonight

mel1

I live in the cave of

bogus wisdom,

monotony,

and boredom.

Too much positivity

has ruined all the fun

of gloomy depression;

it acts as poison.

I just want to save myself

from the world;

I just want to save this world

from the one

that it has made me.

Tonight if I had the power to

destroy the world

I’d push the buttons

before the rush of sentiments

and regret it in the morning next.

But I wouldn’t shed ‘ny tear

and make ‘ny noise

because the world has got

deaf ears for me.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Like a red sheet of gooey mirror

 

gooey2

A paint drop dripping down my canvas

In conversation with gravity.

Moving towards the numb wooden floor

Showing some ecstatic audacity.

 

Smooth like a cat — making no sound

Possessing a sporadic figure.

Warming the ground, spreading on brown

Like a red sheet of gooey mirror.

 

Watching this sight, the paintbrush’s laughing

Unaware of its own vague nature.

But this drop is colour-blind, only sees red

Its nature is unlike creatures.

 

My canvas is crying but I can’t help

It hurts me because it’s all mine

If I scrub the floor and a stain is left

I’ll know the drop has lived just fine.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Flyers

Snapshot_20140917_1

A man was giving away flyers to students in front of my college’s main gate, today. It was about some scholarship and all for final year students but I took it anyway. I took it not only because it was for free but I like flyers. It said that the eligibility criteria for applying for scholarship is 60% marks in 12th grade and all. I wondered why would they set the mark so low. Then I thought maybe they cared about average students or because they know that average students would pay for anything they saw hope in. Bah, business!  I entered in the bus and found a seat. I sat there and made a paper plane out of that flyer. It wasn’t the perfect plane. It made me sad. The paper was rectangular and my method was usual but still I failed to make it symmetrical. I could not fly it inside the bus so I waited till I got off. It started raining outside. I realised I’d not be able to fly the plane because the water drops would take it down. The driver applied sudden breaks. The boy on the first seat fell down and broke his glasses. He was sad too. I got off the bus only to find that I was sadder than the boy on the first seat. He was still able to laugh, with his friends, on his broken glasses. I was more indulged in sadness than him; it kind of made me happy. As soon as I got off the bus, I put the plane in my pocket and lit a cigarette in the shed nearby. Boy, the way I smoke I’m pretty sure if my lungs are squeezed then you’d find enough tar to fill the potholes in my colony. No kidding. Then I went to my room and took the plane out. It was crumbled. It was of no use now. It certainly taught me a lesson – everything does – but I am not yet able to figure out what the lesson is. I feel I do but I’m not sure.

But you know how it is…

face 

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Oh Caroline,

Will you ever come out

of my dreams

and tell the world

what you told me,

about me?

Have you figured out

what’s in my head?

What I think about

thinking all the time?

 

I was surrounded

by 47 hominids, today.

Yes, I counted them,

the creatures with body

but no humanity.

I was there, silent,

when one of them

said to me,

“Hello”.

You know how scary it was,

don’t you?

Do you feel petrified too

when you’re fenced

by the unreal realm

of my dreams

and storms?

Do you not feel naked

when I see you,

when I look at you

with my misty,

half-drunk eyes?

They say I’m unpleasant;

hate my smile

and the cigarette

in my hand.

They say I don’t deserve

to be content,

for I’m mean

to everybody.

But you know how it is,

don’t you?

You think I could be

mean to you?

Do you?

Aren’t you mean

to me, too?

You don’t show your face,

you don’t show your skin,

but you expect me

to apprize your presence.

Sometimes I wonder

If you can even see me

and the blemishes

on my heart.

They say I’m too good

to be loved.

They say I don’t deserve

someone like you,

my Caroline.

But you know how it is,

don’t you?