10 Things I Learned in 4 Years at KLU

Disclaimer: This article is in no way intended to hurt anyone’s sentiments or defaming the said university. In case a reader gets offended by the content of this article he/she needs to take a laughter therapy and read books on how to grow up. Thank you for reading.

 

1. Your looks matter more than your outlook

The moment you step in the campus you realize that what you’re wearing is more important than what you are. Simple plain clothes, not too casual, and ID Card. Oh! ID Card is like your license to enter the campus and sit in a class. Even the PM of India can’t enter the campus without an ID card otherwise he’ll have to pay a fine and then get permission from Dr. Khan. And trust me that’s no fun. But since the university has an administrative management so I agree that this is a good practice and for this reason I give this one to them.

 

2. If you have a high ego and know how to read a ppt you can become a lecturer

I think this is how the interview process goes for hiring lecturers

Interviewer: Do you know how to google?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Do you know how to copy from internet?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Do you know how to paste it in a PPT?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Do you know how to read from PPT?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Are you sure you won’t teach students anything other than what you write in the PPT?

Lecturer: Yes, sir, ofcourse.

Interviewer: Are you sure you’ll show them arrogance if they ask you anything out of the ppt?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: Does your ego get easily hurt?

Lecturer: Yes, sir.

Interviewer: You’re hired!

 

I have nothing more to say.

 

3. Investment on infrastructure is more important than on education

The content and its delivery is so poor that anyone would agree that whatever the technology is being used to develop the infrastructure of the campus cannot be developed by the engineers who are passing from the university. Necessary engineering tools and software are not being taught to the students at the level at which industries are using them. For example, MATLAB is the best tool in hands of any engineer because of its wide applicability. The level of MATLAB taught to students in first year is lower than the Onramp Course provided for free on Mathworks’ official website.

 

4. There exists a language called Tenglish

A language whose grammar has no rules or boundations. And it’s only understood by people of great mettle. WARNING: Any attempt to learn or understand this language may give you horrible vocabulary. As a normal English language speaker you may get traumatized by the amount of a’s and u’s used at the end of each word here. Take a simple English sentence “I have a pink sheep” which is impossible and you can tell that because your brain actually processed it and your cognitive abilities told you that sheep are not pink. Now take the same sentence in Tenglish, “Ayi havv-a pinku sheepu” which may give a non-Tenglish speaker brain hemorrhage. If anyone ever asks you “Whuch pluce?” then you should know that they mean “Which place are you from?” and when you hear them asking for “kiss” don’t get alarmed, just handover them your “keys”. More examples are listed below.

What ra? – What do you want dear?

Are you dinner? – Have you had your dinner?

Making rice aa? – Are you cooking rice?

I am anxiety! – I am excited!

I switch offed it – I switched it off

I don’t drink cigarette – I don’t smoke

 

5. Akukuralu is the life of every dish

You can’t have a dish without an army of akukuralu (curry leaves) protecting it. You may understand this just from the fact that by the time my Telugu friends finish eating I am still fighting with the curry leaves. By the time I’m done removing all the curry leaves from my food I would have three different people coming and sitting next to me, finishing their meals. By the time I start eating the food there’s already fungus in it. I don’t understand why there’s an entire plant of curry leaves in my food!!! Telugu people like only three things: Movies, Politics and Curry leaves. Which brings me to my next point.

 

6. The results of movies are more important than exam results

Here we have an age band which is more interested in knowing “Why did Katappa kill Baahubali?” than why their grades are so low? I don’t believe that grades are everything but they surely are something. How much your favorite actor’s movie earned is none of your business. You’re not getting anything from it. The movie stars don’t even care about you! They don’t know you! Then how and why are you giving them more importance than your own life?

 

7. Nobody cares for civil engineers

All the KLU students will agree with me on this. Undoubtedly, nobody cares about the civil engineering department. They don’t even have their own department building! University has given them an entire floor in the Mechanical Department building, that‘s it! And where are the jobs for Civil Engineers? The way the university’s layout is done I don’t think it actually has any interest in good civil engineering at all.

 

8. Royal Enfield is for everyone

Royal Enfield is not royal anymore. Gone are those days when I’d see a Royal Enfield once in a while and dream of having that motorcycle because it made the rider look cool and hot both at the same time. Royal Enfield is something I desired of having. But no more. Thanks to every third person here who has a Royal Enfield. I don’t want to write more on this because my heart bleeds.

 

9. In every class there are at least 23 people named Sai

Jesus! What’s the deal with people named Sai? Why are they so many Sais? It’s like an entire generation of parents ran out of first names. And Sai is so flexible you can use it anywhere in your name, for example: Sai Yaswanth or Yaswanth Sai. And this miraculous name is not just for boys, it’s a unisex name! It’s so cool that I have named my goldfish Sai Jalpari. Or should I keep it Jalpari Sai? Do tell me.

 

10. Talking to opposite gender is equal to having illegitimate babies with them

The university is co-ed but the FED building has separate stairs for girls and boys. This is horribly funny. You cannot walk or talk with a person of opposite gender without getting ogled by bystanders. If you are a girl then get ready to get your character certificate issued by the boys whom you don’t talk to. If you’re a guy then get ready to spend money on your friends every time they catch you talking to a girl. And one thing for both boys and girls, get good at playing hide and seek with the discipline committee.

 

I hope the university becomes better at teaching and get a little modernized, bend some rules, and break some traditional thinking patterns. That’s the way to grow. I’m sure that is not all that is there to be learned from 4 years at KLU. Do share your experience. Thanks for reading.

 

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

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It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.

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It’s okay
It’s gonna be okay
At least that’s what
My heart tells me
But when I see inside my soul
It’s far far away from me

Okay is
Just a bottle of whisky,
A pack of cigarettes,
A good pen,
And a bunch of pale papers.
I can buy okay
Half of it is costly
Other half is cheap
But not permanent
It doesn’t stay with me.
Maybe
Something is wrong with me
That’s why
Okay doesn’t feel okay with me
Or maybe I hurt okay too much
That’s why it stays away from me.
Again
It’s okay
It’s gonna be okay
At least that’s what
My heart tells me
But when I see around myself
It’s far far away from me.

In my bar
There’s no bartender
Only a dozen broken tables
And plastic chairs for seats
It’s ugly and depressing
Sad, bleak, daunting, disheartening.
Maybe that’s how they sell more of it
Sometimes warm
Sometimes chilled.
I personally like it warm
and melting
Coldness is not
one of my virtues..
Sometimes some tear drops
Roll down my cheeks
Tiny little fuckers
Of no fuckin’ use.
Again
It’s okay
It’s gonna be okay
At least that’s what
My heart tells me
But when I hear the mournful sound of it
I know it’s far far away from me.

– Sudhanshu Chouhan

Just you and me

image

You know
Sometimes I say things
That I don’t mean..
Sometimes I say things
That I mean
But I’m not sure of..
Sometimes I can’t say
What I mean..
And sometimes
I can’t say anything at all..
Sometimes I feel
I’m really here.
Sometimes I feel
I wish I were there.
Sometimes I feel
How would it feel
Not being here…
Not being there…
Away from the colors
Not being anywhere.
On a second thought,
maybe somewhere.
Where nothing exists..
Nothing big, nothing small
Where there’s no sign
of anything at all.
Just vaporous souls
of you and me..
Entangled.
Enthralled by
no destiny.
Where there are no walls,
not a single gate.
Where no one
writes our fate.
Just osculating souls
of you and me..
Entangled.
Enthralled by
no destiny.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Pandemonium

image

We live in a rat’s nest
all the time restless.
In the ever increasing entropy
it’s all just infinite chaos.
And I’m a squeaky sound
in the symphony
the universe is playing.
I’m a crazy one.
I’m a hazy one.
I should be damned
from this world.
I should be condemned
from this world.
This world
is too good for me,
for my thoughts
and my reality.

I walk ahead of them
they pull me back,
I walk behind them
they laugh at me,
I walk with them
they push me away.
I try to want to walk with them
but they don’t want me.
Why,
they’re all so confused!
–ugly holes in the fabric of
my reality,
morality.
They make me feel happy
to be a mortal;
what good is it
to live in a world
which doesn’t want to
change?
And they all want change.
I don’t.
I want them to continue
like this
and write the manuscript
of their own doom.
I don’t care
I’ll be gone soon.
In a millennium or two
they’ll all die too.
Morally, they are already
almost there.
There’s too much of
unused love
rotting in the pens of poets.
There’s too much of abhorrence
evolving
in the heads of gunmen.
There’s too much to hurt
too much to save.
Empty hearts
and empty graves.
I’ve been hurt
and I fight with it
to not let it turn
into lawless hate.
Guess I was too late.
Too much
I try
Too much
I feel
And there is too less
Time to heal.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

A Scruffy Liver At A Bar

inkscrufffypost

Reality really sucks.

Sucks harder than my ex-girlfriend.

Several times I’ve thought of…

I’ve thought of

putting it to an end.

Drove it to the edge

but there’s no fun in that.

I still have some bottoms to hit,

still have some unpaid debts.

You see…

Life is

death wrapped in time.

Happiness is

monotony swaddled in sugar.

God is

but Satan drunk on wine.

And love…

Love is

pain draped behind pleasure.

I’m letting the reality

to grow on me

to beat me

while I ripe.

I’m at this bar

Oh fuck the rhyming!

It is killing

my Bukowskian vibe.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Life is Easy.

lifedance

I’m enjoying probably the best days of my life yet lived. Life is easy. And the ones who think that it is not are simply stupid and wondering how and why. I’ve never said myself that it is difficult. Actually I have never commented over the nature of life, though I might have commented over its being, now and then. If you could read that and still are able to read and process this then it means that you are alive. And if being alive doesn’t make you happy then I don’t know what would. I read those lines somewhere I do not remember. And that’s the good thing about truth — you never have to care where it came from. Good, you do understand! Now listen to what I have to say. From here onward read this thing like you are the only person who’s ever going to read it. Take your time. Read it carefully. There’s nothing that I have written which is not something that you already do not know. Finding difficulty in figuring out the last sentence? Don’t worry; I’ll keep it simple now. It’s about time you put a smile on your soul, your face will catch it sooner or later. But it will. Forgive everyone who ever hurt you. At least try. Okay, try it for a week and if doesn’t work then go back to being your present self. But at least try. You know how you feel when you are left ‘unforgiven’. I know that’s not a word but you do understand the feeling. Right? Yeah, right. And try this one more thing. Forgive yourself on the behalf of the people who have not forgiven you. There’s no meaning of dancing on the dance floor of someone else’s ego. And that doesn’t give you the right to dance on your own floor either. Dance. It is a good thing. But not on the ego-floor! Stand up and Dance. Dance like you have a tickle in your bum and your hands are tied and your legs are on fire. Even the thought of that is funny, eh? Now imagine everyone around you dancing like that. Now imagine everyone you ever came across dancing in the same way. Your school principal, your bus driver, your boss, your arrogant neighbor, your best friends, your irritating relatives, your ex. Picture me if you know me, you’ll laugh like hell. Was that too difficult to do? Probably not. If it was then you have to start reading books. They help you cultivate imagination. Good ones. And it helps you express your feelings. For example, I started writing this blog post (I don’t really know what to call it, so I just call it a blog post) as a facebook status. Just the first two sentences. But then thoughts came on in abundance, choking on their own and in need of words, so I just let them flow through the tips of my fingers on the keyboard and gave them life. Feels good. You should try this one as well. Now I don’t know where to end this. This is the most confusing part of writing. You never know when to stop. So what I have figured out is to leave this sente

Like a red sheet of gooey mirror

 

gooey2

A paint drop dripping down my canvas

In conversation with gravity.

Moving towards the numb wooden floor

Showing some ecstatic audacity.

 

Smooth like a cat — making no sound

Possessing a sporadic figure.

Warming the ground, spreading on brown

Like a red sheet of gooey mirror.

 

Watching this sight, the paintbrush’s laughing

Unaware of its own vague nature.

But this drop is colour-blind, only sees red

Its nature is unlike creatures.

 

My canvas is crying but I can’t help

It hurts me because it’s all mine

If I scrub the floor and a stain is left

I’ll know the drop has lived just fine.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

I see the shadows of lives around me.

Kandinsky_WWI

I see the shadows of lives around me.

Silence of the lifeless better than sounds of oxygen.

Chaos more euphonious than ingenious compositions.

 

Tranquil water more potent than tumultuous torrents.

Fogs more animated than unblemished heavens.

 

Abstracts more striking than quiet straight lines.

Struggles more promising than effortless accessions.

 

Autocracy more energetic than dumb democracy.

Herds more organized than pitiful parliament sessions.

 

Poor man’s feet nattier than rich man’s shoes.

Prostitutes more virgin than souls of politicians.

 

Enemies more honest than forbearing friends.

Breakups more edifying than reckless relations.

 

Objectivism more disciplined than arid altruism.

Atheism more righteous than religious obligations.

 

Books more valuable than unsalable capitals.

Humanity more important than colour of generations.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Picture: Composition VII—according to Kandinsky, the most complex piece he ever painted (1913) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kandinsky_WWI.jpg)

I’m the guy you’ll find alone

alone

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

I’m the guy you’ll find alone,

Sitting at the table for

Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

At the bar,

In the park,

On the beach,

In the city.

I flow with

The winds alone,

I glide on

The time alone,

I walk alone.

The way I know you,

You don’t need me.

Blinded by the joys,

You don’t see me.

But you’ll see me

When it is all gone.

Mine is the soul

You will find

When you’re alone;

You will see me

With your eyes open

And closed.

You will see me

When

It is dark,

You will see me

When

You don’t know

What to look for.

You will see me

When

Nobody is looking for

You.

You will find me

Just like you.

 

Thanks for reading. Please follow my blog.

 © sudhanshuchouhanpoetry

Likhna Bhool Gaya…

Kai dino se zehen me kuchh likhne ka khyal sa aa raha hai. Magar kya likhu? Kuchh khabar nahi. Sher-o-shayri likhu ya koi kavita? Geet likhu, kahaani, ya koi vyatha?

“Likhta hu kuchh kalam utha ke,

Likhta kya hu kya jaanu…

Sochta hu likhu apni kahaani,

Par is jeevan ko kya maanu?”

Aaj lagbhag ek mahine baad kuchh likh raha hu to socha ki kuchh anokhapan laya jaye. Main aksar likhne me apni hindi bhasha ka prayog nahi karta; kyunki hindi mujhe ek lekhak se geet-kaar bana deti hai, kavi bana deti hai, kahaani-kaar bana deti hai. Aur kahin se chutki bhar urdu chura ke mujhe shayar bana deti hai.

“Sochne ko hai bohat kuchh

lekin shabdo ki kami si hai.

Antarmann kehta hai mujhme

Zindagi kuchh thami si hai.”

Badi ajeeb baat hai na! Ki jis bhasha ki panah me main pala-bada, jisne mujhe itna kabil banaya ki uski baaki chhaviyon ke pratibimb ko main dekh saku, unhe samajh saku, unka aanand le saku; Aaj usi ne mere sath aisa khel khela hai ki main chah kar bhi uska istmal apne likhne ki bhook mitane ke liye nahi kar sakta. Lekin na chahte hue bhi na jaane kaise mere shabd padhne wale ke dil me utar jaate hain.

“Soch sakta agar main

ki main is duniya me kyun hoon?

Toh shayad ye sochne ke liye

Main is duniya me na hota.”

Sneh.