Toote dil ke tukde ab toh…

टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं
उड़ती धुल के संग आँखों में
आंसू बनने लगे हैं…
खुद भी रूठा है मुझसे
दोनों जहां रुसने लगे हैं
टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं…

खाली करूँ अब दिल को
या अश्कों को थाम लूँ
ज़िन्दगी ही बेवफ़ा मेरी
तुझको तो क्या इलज़ाम दूँ…
मेरे दर्द के पन्ने नये
खुद ही पलटने लगे हैं
टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं…

जाम बना हर शाम मैं एक
ये दर्द यूँ पि रहा हुँ
तुझे खबर भी न मेरी
कैसे मैं जी रहा हुँ…
तेरी वजह से मुझपे
अब लोग हसने लगे हैं
टूटे दिल के टुकड़े अब तो
पैरों चुभने लगे हैं…

– Sudhanshu Chouhan

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A Scruffy Liver At A Bar

inkscrufffypost

Reality really sucks.

Sucks harder than my ex-girlfriend.

Several times I’ve thought of…

I’ve thought of

putting it to an end.

Drove it to the edge

but there’s no fun in that.

I still have some bottoms to hit,

still have some unpaid debts.

You see…

Life is

death wrapped in time.

Happiness is

monotony swaddled in sugar.

God is

but Satan drunk on wine.

And love…

Love is

pain draped behind pleasure.

I’m letting the reality

to grow on me

to beat me

while I ripe.

I’m at this bar

Oh fuck the rhyming!

It is killing

my Bukowskian vibe.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

To the one who can’t love me…

I have been in love before but never felt like this.. this is new love.. Dedicated to her, the one who doesn’t hate me but can’t love me..

I first got my heart broken

when I was twelve,

wasn’t quite the age

in something stupid to delve.

First time it broke into two

second time in a few

third time in millions

and fourth time in billions.

I couldn’t care less

about picking the pieces.

You know, it hurts.

But I’ve got addicted to

A certain kind of sadness

A certain kind of pain

And

my senses ready to burst.

I wish

I choke on my love for you

and die

without blinking an eye.

I know you wouldn’t mind

‘coz you’re the devil in disguise.

I want you to live my life

the way I live it for you.

I want you to see you

through my eyes.

I want you to be me for a day

and see how painful it is to love you.

You’ll see my words are not lies.

– Sudhanshu Chouhan

That’s all for tonight

mel1

I live in the cave of

bogus wisdom,

monotony,

and boredom.

Too much positivity

has ruined all the fun

of gloomy depression;

it acts as poison.

I just want to save myself

from the world;

I just want to save this world

from the one

that it has made me.

Tonight if I had the power to

destroy the world

I’d push the buttons

before the rush of sentiments

and regret it in the morning next.

But I wouldn’t shed ‘ny tear

and make ‘ny noise

because the world has got

deaf ears for me.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Life is Easy.

lifedance

I’m enjoying probably the best days of my life yet lived. Life is easy. And the ones who think that it is not are simply stupid and wondering how and why. I’ve never said myself that it is difficult. Actually I have never commented over the nature of life, though I might have commented over its being, now and then. If you could read that and still are able to read and process this then it means that you are alive. And if being alive doesn’t make you happy then I don’t know what would. I read those lines somewhere I do not remember. And that’s the good thing about truth — you never have to care where it came from. Good, you do understand! Now listen to what I have to say. From here onward read this thing like you are the only person who’s ever going to read it. Take your time. Read it carefully. There’s nothing that I have written which is not something that you already do not know. Finding difficulty in figuring out the last sentence? Don’t worry; I’ll keep it simple now. It’s about time you put a smile on your soul, your face will catch it sooner or later. But it will. Forgive everyone who ever hurt you. At least try. Okay, try it for a week and if doesn’t work then go back to being your present self. But at least try. You know how you feel when you are left ‘unforgiven’. I know that’s not a word but you do understand the feeling. Right? Yeah, right. And try this one more thing. Forgive yourself on the behalf of the people who have not forgiven you. There’s no meaning of dancing on the dance floor of someone else’s ego. And that doesn’t give you the right to dance on your own floor either. Dance. It is a good thing. But not on the ego-floor! Stand up and Dance. Dance like you have a tickle in your bum and your hands are tied and your legs are on fire. Even the thought of that is funny, eh? Now imagine everyone around you dancing like that. Now imagine everyone you ever came across dancing in the same way. Your school principal, your bus driver, your boss, your arrogant neighbor, your best friends, your irritating relatives, your ex. Picture me if you know me, you’ll laugh like hell. Was that too difficult to do? Probably not. If it was then you have to start reading books. They help you cultivate imagination. Good ones. And it helps you express your feelings. For example, I started writing this blog post (I don’t really know what to call it, so I just call it a blog post) as a facebook status. Just the first two sentences. But then thoughts came on in abundance, choking on their own and in need of words, so I just let them flow through the tips of my fingers on the keyboard and gave them life. Feels good. You should try this one as well. Now I don’t know where to end this. This is the most confusing part of writing. You never know when to stop. So what I have figured out is to leave this sente

Like a red sheet of gooey mirror

 

gooey2

A paint drop dripping down my canvas

In conversation with gravity.

Moving towards the numb wooden floor

Showing some ecstatic audacity.

 

Smooth like a cat — making no sound

Possessing a sporadic figure.

Warming the ground, spreading on brown

Like a red sheet of gooey mirror.

 

Watching this sight, the paintbrush’s laughing

Unaware of its own vague nature.

But this drop is colour-blind, only sees red

Its nature is unlike creatures.

 

My canvas is crying but I can’t help

It hurts me because it’s all mine

If I scrub the floor and a stain is left

I’ll know the drop has lived just fine.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

I see the shadows of lives around me.

Kandinsky_WWI

I see the shadows of lives around me.

Silence of the lifeless better than sounds of oxygen.

Chaos more euphonious than ingenious compositions.

 

Tranquil water more potent than tumultuous torrents.

Fogs more animated than unblemished heavens.

 

Abstracts more striking than quiet straight lines.

Struggles more promising than effortless accessions.

 

Autocracy more energetic than dumb democracy.

Herds more organized than pitiful parliament sessions.

 

Poor man’s feet nattier than rich man’s shoes.

Prostitutes more virgin than souls of politicians.

 

Enemies more honest than forbearing friends.

Breakups more edifying than reckless relations.

 

Objectivism more disciplined than arid altruism.

Atheism more righteous than religious obligations.

 

Books more valuable than unsalable capitals.

Humanity more important than colour of generations.

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Picture: Composition VII—according to Kandinsky, the most complex piece he ever painted (1913) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kandinsky_WWI.jpg)

Flyers

Snapshot_20140917_1

A man was giving away flyers to students in front of my college’s main gate, today. It was about some scholarship and all for final year students but I took it anyway. I took it not only because it was for free but I like flyers. It said that the eligibility criteria for applying for scholarship is 60% marks in 12th grade and all. I wondered why would they set the mark so low. Then I thought maybe they cared about average students or because they know that average students would pay for anything they saw hope in. Bah, business!  I entered in the bus and found a seat. I sat there and made a paper plane out of that flyer. It wasn’t the perfect plane. It made me sad. The paper was rectangular and my method was usual but still I failed to make it symmetrical. I could not fly it inside the bus so I waited till I got off. It started raining outside. I realised I’d not be able to fly the plane because the water drops would take it down. The driver applied sudden breaks. The boy on the first seat fell down and broke his glasses. He was sad too. I got off the bus only to find that I was sadder than the boy on the first seat. He was still able to laugh, with his friends, on his broken glasses. I was more indulged in sadness than him; it kind of made me happy. As soon as I got off the bus, I put the plane in my pocket and lit a cigarette in the shed nearby. Boy, the way I smoke I’m pretty sure if my lungs are squeezed then you’d find enough tar to fill the potholes in my colony. No kidding. Then I went to my room and took the plane out. It was crumbled. It was of no use now. It certainly taught me a lesson – everything does – but I am not yet able to figure out what the lesson is. I feel I do but I’m not sure.

But you know how it is…

face 

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

Oh Caroline,

Will you ever come out

of my dreams

and tell the world

what you told me,

about me?

Have you figured out

what’s in my head?

What I think about

thinking all the time?

 

I was surrounded

by 47 hominids, today.

Yes, I counted them,

the creatures with body

but no humanity.

I was there, silent,

when one of them

said to me,

“Hello”.

You know how scary it was,

don’t you?

Do you feel petrified too

when you’re fenced

by the unreal realm

of my dreams

and storms?

Do you not feel naked

when I see you,

when I look at you

with my misty,

half-drunk eyes?

They say I’m unpleasant;

hate my smile

and the cigarette

in my hand.

They say I don’t deserve

to be content,

for I’m mean

to everybody.

But you know how it is,

don’t you?

You think I could be

mean to you?

Do you?

Aren’t you mean

to me, too?

You don’t show your face,

you don’t show your skin,

but you expect me

to apprize your presence.

Sometimes I wonder

If you can even see me

and the blemishes

on my heart.

They say I’m too good

to be loved.

They say I don’t deserve

someone like you,

my Caroline.

But you know how it is,

don’t you?

My Birthday Poem

 

Screenshot (16)

So it goes like this…

-Sudhanshu Chouhan

There’s a relentless fear
of death
among us
But it excites me
It’s mysterious
Where do we go after that?
Nobody knows
But I guess I do.
We come back here
On the earth
To live again
As an ass
With the assholes.
The planet is a
community of assholes.
Fuckers and suckers
Every-fucking-where.
Are you afraid of death?
I am not.
I have got no love
No eternal friend
No land
No asset
I have got nothing to lose
But a glass bottle
Which is keeping me alive
Full of bitter nectar
Which tastes sweeter
As compared to
This world.
Today,
I am standing
On the edge
Of a cliff
Hoping to get kissed
By my lifelong friend
My lifelong enemy
My love
My life
My death.